The Highway Shaman Wisdom
for September 2, 2020
Up until the time that my old computer died a month ago, I had some sort of routine with these blogs. I had no problem figuring out what to write about every day. After three week off from blogging, something shifted. I realized that possibly my postings were more of a lecture than a diary. Although nobody was reading my 103 posts, I acted as if I had something to teach. Teach who? I guess I didn’t care. But now I’m thinking of my legacy, I suppose. If I were to die tomorrow, or a year from know, or ten years from now, what was this many really thinking? My father was quiet and reserved, kept thoughts to himself and never wrote one word of diary. Nobody really had a clue what the man thought about deep down inside. He never said the words, so he died without my knowing if he ever loved me or truly cared about me. To me that’s sad. My sons know that I love them – I say it to them and I write about it. Maybe I will do more of sharing my love in the days, weeks, months and years to come.
Before August 3rd, my first day without a computer, I would draw a card from each of my three tarot decks every morning. Beginning again a week ago I decided to only draw from one deck, the Osho Zen Tarot. So now I will see what It says, since I have no idea right now how it would relate to how it would pertain to my diary for today. Well, something did happen today which is diary worthy. My attorney had demanded $750,000 for my brain injury, which was certified by six doctors, and the opposing insurance company came back with not believing I had a brain injury at all, offering $20,000. It was a shock and I’ll have to surrender to what my attorney is willing to do next. My desire was to receive at least $200,000. My Osho card is TURNING IN.
4 of Water – TURNING IN
Turning inwards is not a turning at all. Going inwards is. not a going at all. Turning inwards simply means that you have been running after this desire and that, and you have been running and running and you have been coming again and again to frustration. That each desire brings misery, that there is no fulfillment through desire. That you never reach anywhere, that contentment is impossible. Seeing this truth, that running after desires takes you nowhere, you stop. Not that you make any effort to stop. If you make any effort to stop it is again running, in a subtle way. You are still desiring – maybe now it is desirelessness that you desire. If you are making an effort to go in, you are still going out. Any effort can only take you out, outwards. All journeys are outward journeys, there is no inward journey. How can you journey inwards? You are already there, there is no point in going. When going stops, journeying disappears; when desiring is no more clouding your mind, you are in. This is called turning in. But it is not a turning at all, it is simply not going out.
“To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. It is what meditation is all about really – not chanting a mantra, or repeating an affirmation, but just watching, as if the mind belongs to somebody else. You are ready to take this distance now, and to watch the show without getting caught up in the drama. Indulge yourself in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever you can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in you.”