Author: <span>daviddakanallison@gmail.com</span>

Ugh – Ceramic art by Dakan

The Highway Shaman Wisdom 

for September 17, 2020

A Course in Miracles: I am never upset for the reason I think.

Also: It is never about the other person.

I realize today that I’m angry. This is an emotion I’ve always been in denial about; denial of anger turned me into a “nice guy.”  Spiritual adherents don’t allow themselves to be angry, and if you do, then you’re less evolved, or something along those lines. Weenies allow themselves to be victims. Down the line. I’m angry at CNA, the opposing Insurance company, who said I basically that I’m lying, my doctors are lying and I didn’t have a brain injury and will settle for $20,000, which means in reality, after expenses, I would get $0.00. Nothing. 

My attorney is apparently a nice guy, possibly a weenie, which makes me angry. He makes me not to want to be like him. I had seen six doctors who all diagnosed me to have anywhere from a concussion to a traumatic brain injury (TBI). After we were offered $20,000 to settle, my attorney caved and apparently forgot why we demanded $750,000 in the first place. He became the nice guy (to their demand), alluding to the idea that maybe it will end up that I get nothing. Maybe it makes me angry for all the times I was the nice guy, like him, displaying no balls. Donald Trump – now that guy has balls. He stands up to all the hatred and opposition and says NO – this is what I want and I’m going to get it. Saying in other words, “Fuck with me and I’ll shut you down!”

The insurance company CNA fucked with me and my attorney. They deserve to be shut down, at least pay a fair settlement, and for us to not cower to them, Paul implying maybe they are right when they aren’t right at all.

Part of my anger and depression of late is that I want a Warrior as my advocate, not a wimp. It’s never about the other person says that I’m the wimp. I don’t want to be a wimp or be agreeing with wimps. I want to come into my own as a warrior. 

What is going on with CNA is the same distortion of truth that’s perpetuated by big corps and Deep State, flexing their micro-dics w money and assumed power. A very distinguished Chinese woman, Phd. and Doctor of Virology, known and published in the best medical journals, has now come forward saying that she worked at Wuhan labs in the creation of Covid19 as a Chinese bioweapon, let loose upon the world. Now CNN and other mainstream news report that it’s a lie and she’s just making it up. Why would she put her life in danger if it wasn’t the truth?

But then Tucker Carlson said, here is one of the top virologist in the world making a scholarly qualified first-hand medical statement – and all these reporters who know nothing about medicine are calling it a lie. The infantile reaction is that Covid19 being manufactured in a lab doesn’t fit their bat shit narrative.

This is the same injustice I feel with CNA where six highly qualified Doctors gave a Medical opinion (re. my brain injury) that I did have a brain injury, and “not doctors/insurance experts” say my doctors are lying. How would it serve them to lie?  My getting a brain injury without blood and a totaled car doesn’t fit these “experts” narrative.

A bright Attorney, a warrior fighting for what is right and just, one who could see through this blatant bs Insurance injustice, might just class action sue the Insurance company CNA, and ten others, for $100 million, for their history of discrimination of the elderly. I think we could find 80 seniors in the USA who were totally fucked over by Insurance Companies, because of prejudice not consistent with fact. The Insurance companies can tell lies and make up shit because they have enough money behind them to get away with it. Someone needs to finally stand up and sue their asses.  It could be me.

Now here is my Osho Zen Card about all this, a random pick as always: Apparently I was on the other side, created injustice and took advantage of people in a former life, and now its happening to me. 

The Reading

PAST LIVES (The Moon) – The child can become conscious only if in the past life he has meditated enough, has created enough meditative energy to fight with the darkness that death brings. One simply is lost in an oblivion and then suddenly finds a new womb and forgets completely about the old body. This is a discontinuity. This darkness, this unconsciousness creates the discontinuity. The East has been working hard to penetrate these barriers. And ten thousand years’ work has not been in vain. Everybody can penetrate to the past life or many past lives. But for that you have to go deeper into your meditation, for two reasons: unless you go deeper, you cannot find the door to another life; secondly, you have to be deeper in meditation because, if you find the door of another life, a flood of events will come into the mind. It is hard enough even to carry one life.

“A glimpse into the eternity of our existence is a gift, and understanding the function of karma is our lives is not something that can be grasped at will. This is a wake-up call, the events in your life are trying to show you a pattern as ancient as the journey of your own soul.”

The Highway Shaman Wisdom 

for September14, 2020

A dear friend, a senior woman, has connected with a man, and asked me to do a Spirit Guide reading re. Their relationship. I agreed and what I have written below happened in a straight line – in other words, I began writing and it flowed out exactly as you read below. I think this advice would be good for any senior woman

The Reading

Before I begin this reading I need to say: You know the answer to your question. Women, especially wise women like you, know who they want to share their precious energy with. A woman will only choose the wrong man because of her low self-esteem issues. That’s not you. I think when we get near to or over 70, relationships are less about falling madly in love and more about enjoying a stable companionship. A senior man should be a gentleman, never demanding and always gracious, kind, complimentary and loving to the aging woman. The last chapters of love.

Okay – I started this reading with the Elements Tarot and got three cards = Caution, Fear and Decrease, and decided to stop. I’m sorry – we need to be at this place where we pull cards like: Breaking Through, Expansion, Depth, Branching Out and Service = (I just picked those cards in that order)  We (you) don’t need no more stinkin’ challenging love lessons. You are the Divine Goddess of your Creation. Period! My wisest advice is to always remember that the best we can hope for is a “Pleasant sharing to time and space with another.”  We need to keep all our relationships light and fun, and with the first sign of the other getting heavy, move the energy back to light. We have way too much inner Light work to do, then to get bogged down in emotional drama during this trying time. 

And if you’re in love, Yeah! If you think he’s the right guy, a gentleman who loves and supports everything that you do, will follow YOU up and over the rainbow, then there you go. Get on your pegasus’s and ride baby ride.

Yahoo !! 

Now I drew a card from the Good Tarot re. you and your relationship: 

ACE of WATER = Unconditional love, overflowing abundance, the fertility of love.

“I am filled with love from Spirit and joyously let it flow out to others, where it fertilizes the seeds of co-creation. Love gives hope, shining brilliant light on all possibilities available to me. I’m optimistic about bringing dreams into being. Spirit always informs me and guides me, allowing me to illumine the darkest of places.”

And now the Osho Zen Tarot =  MATURITY – the Ace of Rainbows

My note: Fascinating – drew the Ace of Water and the Ace of Air – the last card in the Osho deck after We are the World.

The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between you not knowing that you are a buddha, and the moment you know that you are a buddha. In fact, there is no way to be otherwise. Buddha is completely blossomed, fully opened. His lotuses, his petals, have come to a completion . . . Certainly, to be full of spring yourself is far more beautiful than the autumn dews falling on the lotus leaves. This is one of the most beautiful things to watch: when autumn dews fall on the lotus leaves and shine in the morning sun like real pearls. But of course, it is a momentary experience. As the sun rises, the autumn dews start evaporating. 

The temporary beauty cannot be compared, certainly, with an eternal spring in your being. You look back as far as you can and it has always been there. You look forward as much as you can, and you will be surprised: it is your very being. Wherever you are it will be there, and the flowers will continue to shower on you. This is spiritual spring.

“When you draw this card, know well this moment carries a gift – for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are the outcome of what has already been experienced within.”

Next, instead of my normal Elements Tarot reading I drew three cards:

EMOTIONS   –   HEIGHT  –   THE MASTER

This may means whatever it means to you, but to me it says: Take your Emotions to the Height, or most positive highest possible level, and then be The Master of them.

The Fifth Dimension

The Highway Shaman Wisdom 

for September13, 2020

In the days, weeks and months to come we will/may observe that the USA, it and the people, is/are struggling, falling apart, in a civil war, descending into chaos. We need to keep in mind that this chaos represents a lower level of Integrity, a lower frequency than the Higher Frequency I’m striving to, we can choose, to live at. Yes, I too, will need to ride the wave, feel the wins and losses; sometimes elated and other times bummed, with what is. I too need to keep in mind that life is energy which comes and goes in waves. We can, I do, choose to believe that I’m surrounded in Radiant or Light Energy, and have the strength and power to reject the dark, combative energy which doesn’t serve my Highest Good. I wish to, we can, imagine the Energy of God; a Divine Energy I choose to radiate through and around me.

Today I pulled the Osho Zen card SUCCESS. It’s about riding these waves.

I call myself a Shaman, which is an old school title for a wisened person who opens windows into the 3rd, 4th and 5th dimensions of reality. In 1995 I was ordained as an Earth Steward; to consciously protect this earth and all people who live on it. Earlier, I had learned that our six senses are defined functions of 3D reality, and that the higher 4th and 5th dimensions can also be sensed and felt, and need my protection. We’re taught that since we’re in “solid 3D form,” I see you, can hear you, smell you, touch you, I can taste and I’m aware of myself in space and time. Only in 3D. But this isn’t the inclusive truth.

Years ago, I accepted that I am a highly advanced Being of Light. I choose to be, therefore I am, living in the 3rd, 4th and 5th Dimensions of Consciousness simultaneously. As I write this I am allowing myself to be flooded with a higher vibration of goodness, love and Light. All the Lightworkers of the world are feeling this too, at some level, whether they acknowledge it or not.

We chose to be a Lightworker, especially at this precious time in the changing of Ages, before birth. By nature we are sensitive beings, and hence feel the full range of emotions; and the different energies passing through us; the higher frequencies. Most of us are intuitive and driven by internal guidance, which is often confusing, until we come to grips with who we are. The answer to Who Am I? Then we will perceive the emotions and needs of other living beings, and respond appropriately. We can choose to harness and direct our energy or healing powers towards those in need. And at the same time, we will eventually learn how to dispel or chase away negative energy, using our love and acquired tools in the most positive way possible.

We, as a human collective, are now moving directly into the Age of Aquarius. We will witness/feel the “birthing pains” as we ascend from lower to higher consciousness, and experience a new level of security and joy. And those who are most dense in consciousness, which could include distinguished teachers, politicians and leaders, will use their stubborn Will to remain dense and in conflict with the Light of all that is Goodly, Godly and Holy. They will choose to perpetuate a lower frequency. People will exist in this world living in opposing frequencies. Likes will attract.

Right now, while not all Lightworkers have responded to their spiritual calling, many of these star seeds will soon realize that their purpose on Earth is to help elevate mankind’s collective consciousness. They will sense a drive to serve with the compassion in their own hearts; they will feel good when supporting others through the difficult times.

The more gung-ho of the Lightworkers will be/are Wayshowers. They most likely are much younger than me, under 45 years old. They guide other people to move onto their path as Lightworkers; to live inspired and authentic lives, and to act as an example and motivation for others to follow. Wayshowers will be recognized as those who are infused with the highest virtues and live their lives in a frequency that inspires all beings.

Donald Trump may not be either a Lightworker or a Wayshower. I believe he’s being guided by both, by the wise council of QAnon, to be The Commanding Leader of the Forces of Light, as we enter the Aquarian Age. For personal reasons, it’s a direction he has decided to take, which serves his need to be in the spotlight, to weld Power and Control; to Win. He is an example that when one chooses to receive High Frequency Light Energy, it expands in that person. I think Donald Trump is slowly but surely becoming the Light Being he never intended to be. 

The Reading

Six of Fire – SUCCESS:

Watch the waves in the ocean. The higher the wave goes, the deeper is the wave that follows it. One moment you are the wave, another moment you are the howl wake that follows. Enjoy both – don’t get addicted to one. Don’t say, I would always like to be on the peak. It is not possible.  Simply see the fact;: it is not possible. It has never happened and will never happen. It is simply impossible – not in the nature of thing. Then what to do? Enjoy the peak while it lasts and then enjoy the valley when it comes. What is wrong with the valley? What is wrong with being low? It is a relaxation. A peak is an excitement, and nobody can exist continuously in an excitement.

“The greatest wisdom to keep in mind with all the phenomena in the parade of your life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that ‘this too will pass.’ Celebrate, yes, and keep on riding the tiger.”

The Highway Shaman Wisdom 

for September11, 2020

I was watching some videos of the destruction of the Twin Towers on September 11, 2001 and my reaction was just the same as the day I first saw it – how could anyone in their right mind not see it as a “controlled demolition?“ Any structural engineer would know that it’s completely obvious that buildings don’t fall down like that unless explosives are set in the base and lower floors; destabilizing the structure from the bottom. To destroy a building you must give it no choice but to fall. Shoot it with anything 50 stories up and it will not fall. In a building there is no upper heart where you can shoot it and kill it, like a human You can’t bring down a building by shooting it up high. The only way you can kill a building is to cut off its feet at its ankles. 

What I don’t like is lying. The airplanes were a lie. The World Trade buildings had small windows and between each window was heavy metal beams. It’s possible that a huge plane could break through some of the beams if it had a ballistic missile attached on the front, but it would only destroy a floor or two. The missiles would need to have been huge and hit the base, and still wouldn’t have brought the whole building down. The only way it could have possibly come down was if the base and all the bottom floors were wrapped in powerful explosives. That’s exactly what happened.

This was illustrated in the third building, which wasn’t “hit by an airplane” and went down in an obvious controlled demolition. What was in that building that needed to disappear? A whole other story. 

The 911 narrative is a bold example of “Fake News.” It was a fabrication of events which couldn’t possibly happen in the realms of reality. And yet the World bought it because they believed the “official” version. Arab terrorists flying sophisticated jets with no jet training commandeered these planes and suicided into the upper floors of these two buildings causing them to collapse. Impossible, but the world bought that story. Cognitive dissonance, they call it. 

The Titanic wasn’t brought down by an iceberg. It was deliberately sunk. Three of the richest bankers in the USA were aboard and these three were opposed to taking the US treasury money and putting it into the private Federal Reserve Bank. With them out of the way, “dead by accident,” it paved the way for the Rothschild’s to take over the money of the USA. 

We allow these things to happen, as we are now allowing a Deep State Leftist organization called Antifa along with Black Lives Matter to turn the USA into another Nazi Germany. This is something we should do everything in our power to stop. 

The logo for the Q army. We are entering a Civil War and all of us should be aware of what we’re up against; what is really going on.

Shaman Wisdom 

for September 10, 2020

Age of Pisces vs. Age of Aquarius:

A Journey Into Collective Transcendence

The Age of Pisces has shaped human history for around 2000 years, and is slowly coming to an end, as the Age of Aquarius takes its turn. There is no firm consensus among astrologers as to when the Age of Pisces began, and even less to when it ends, exactly. But what is certain, is that the transition between these two astrological ages has already started, and one of its biggest aspects is the battle between science and religion that has marked the development of human society for the past centuries.

The Age of Pisces defines the time where human beings engaged more than ever in the the matters of the soul. The ideas of human transcendence, dissolution of the self and connection to a higher ideal consolidated in the collective consciousness and took shape in various forms. The birth of Jesus Christ, the founding of the church and the establishment of one fundamental religion where a few great marks of this time, which influence human life until today.

The energy of Pisces brought to life the notions of forgiveness, empathy, innocence, love and devotion. It established the believe in a higher force and the search for the connection to something greater than the self. The conception of good and bad, heaven and hell and sin and sacrifice shaped the meaning of spirituality in a completely new way.

But the fight for the dissolution of the ego and higher ideals are not the only thing Pisces represents. In the search for transcendence hides the search for escape. Pisces in its darker form can lead to loss of the sense of reality, self destruction, drug abuse, alcoholism or any other addiction focused on escapism. Religious fanaticism and intolerance gained force, and the idea of guilt and suffering settled as synonyms for spirituality.

The Age of Aquarius symbolizes the time of discovery, innovation and progress. It represents the thirst for change and the longing for a better future. Ruler of the collective, Aquarius speaks of humanitarian ideals, cooperation and brotherhood. It also rules the realms of the personal and collective mind, the searching and shearing of information and the fight for personal and intellectual freedom.

For the last centuries, the aquarian energy has been gaining force, which can be seen in many moments of human history, like the French Revolution in 1789, bringing the progressive ideals of freedom, brotherhood and equality into form. The Storming of the Bastille in 1789 symbolized the breaking of prisons (represented by Pisces) and the movement against old authoritarian order. And it was also in the 16th century that first appeared the concept of atheism and the resistance against the traditional religious structure gained strength.

At the same time, science has been developing in a faster rate each year, and has already completely changed societal structures. Technological advancement permitted the invention of machines, internet opened a full range of new possibilities for social connections, social media completely changed the way human beings interact, and globalization may be one of the greatest marks of this age.

Moreover, collective thinking and technological advancement are contributing to the fight against social and economic inequality, and the fight for expression and freedom of identity has opened the door for more diversity and acceptance.

But the fight for freedom also pays a price. On the dark side of the aquarian age lies disorder, rebellion, breaking of rules, skepticism and the “change above everything” mentality. The current growth of progressive thinking has created a countercurrent of conservatism, discrimination and religious fanaticism, and the obsession with technological advancement has also brought negative consequences to the world we live in.

The Age of Pisces has shaped human history for around 2000 years, and is slowly coming to an end, as the Age of Aquarius takes its turn. There is no firm consensus among astrologers as to when the Age of Pisces began, and even less to when it ends, exactly. But what is certain, is that the transition between these two astrological ages has already started, and one of its biggest aspects is the battle between science and religion that has marked the development of human society for the past centuries.

The Age of Pisces defines the time where human beings engaged more than ever in the the matters of the soul. The ideas of human transcendence, dissolution of the self and connection to a higher ideal consolidated in the collective consciousness and took shape in various forms. The birth of Jesus Christ, the founding of the church and the establishment of one fundamental religion where a few great marks of this time, which influence human life until today.

The energy of Pisces brought to life the notions of forgiveness, empathy, innocence, love and devotion. It established the believe in a higher force and the search for the connection to something greater than the self. The conception of good and bad, heaven and hell and sin and sacrifice shaped the meaning of spirituality in a completely new way.

But the fight for the dissolution of the ego and higher ideals are not the only thing Pisces represents. In the search for transcendence hides the search for escape. Pisces in its darker form can lead to loss of the sense of reality, self destruction, drug abuse, alcoholism or any other addiction focused on escapism. Religious fanaticism and intolerance gained force, and the idea of guilt and suffering settled as synonyms for spirituality.

The Age of Aquarius symbolizes the time of discovery, innovation and progress. It represents the thirst for change and the longing for a better future. Ruler of the collective, Aquarius speaks of humanitarian ideals, cooperation and brotherhood. It also rules the realms of the personal and collective mind, the searching and shearing of information and the fight for personal and intellectual freedom.

For the last centuries, the aquarian energy has been gaining force, which can be seen in many moments of human history, like the French Revolution in 1789, bringing the progressive ideals of freedom, brotherhood and equality into form. The Storming of the Bastille in 1789 symbolized the breaking of prisons (represented by Pisces) and the movement against old authoritarian order. And it was also in the 16th century that first appeared the concept of atheism and the resistance against the traditional religious structure gained strength.

At the same time, science has been developing in a faster rate each year, and has already completely changed societal structures. Technological advancement permitted the invention of machines, internet opened a full range of new possibilities for social connections, social media completely changed the way human beings interact, and globalization may be one of the greatest marks of this age.

Moreover, collective thinking and technological advancement are contributing to the fight against social and economic inequality, and the fight for expression and freedom of identity has opened the door for more diversity and acceptance.

But the fight for freedom also pays a price. On the dark side of the aquarian age lies disorder, rebellion, breaking of rules, skepticism and the “change above everything” mentality. The current growth of progressive thinking has created a countercurrent of conservatism, discrimination and religious fanaticism, and the obsession with technological advancement has also brought negative consequences to the world we live in.

In final words, the transition of the Age of Pisces to the Age of Aquarius represents the battle between two different systems, progress vs. tradition, mind vs. soul or God vs. machine. But it also represents the possibility for joining the spiritual to the collective, a time in which the longing for transcendence and divine connection surpasses the barriers of identity, race, color and social status, to a place where all humanity may reach the eternal universal connection.

Several of my bonsai cactus pots

Highway Shaman Wisdom #111

for September 8, 2020

I had immediate feedback after my letter about my father yesterday. My friend Chan noted that he was most likely on the other side loving me. My response to that is most likely I had a previous life where I was unloving to my children, so I got to be on the other side this time; given the opportunity to be a loving father to my children.  The deciding factor in all this boiled down to my choice whether or not to forgive him. That is what I did yesterday, eleven years after he passed.

I had problems with my settlement. We will be asking them to pay $250,000 by September 30th, after they offered to settle for $20,000. Their statement was that they don’t believe that I even had a concussion, even though after thorough testing it was proven by six doctors that I had at least a concussion, more likely a mild traumatic brain injury. If they don’t settle by the 30th, we will sue them for over a million dollars, which will most likely take up to a year to settle. A court session will pit my six doctors against their “expert” evaluation. Hopefully we will get at least $100,000. But . . . that means I have to exist for the next year on no savings and very little money.

This requires a bit of divine intervention. 

I went to town yesterday and met with Alfredo, a local souvenir shop owner. He helped me order Dremel diamond bits to carve faces into stone. He really liked the photos of my jewelry and slate bonsai cactus planters. He told me of a place I can set up a booth in town for $5 a day. On entering the property where I live, I ran into my new neighbor Dalya, a sixtyish woman who just happened to also be a ceramic artist. We hit it off and it’s obvious we will be good friends. She can get us clay and knows places were we can fire our art. I just was given an art partner and a way to make extra money!! This is what I mean by divine intervention. I asked for the Osho Zen card to verify this.

I drew the card GUIDANCE. It tells me to trust what I have just been given. 

The Reading

3 of Rainbows – GUIDANCE: 

You have to look for guidance because you don’t know your inner guidance is hidden inside you. You have to find the inner guide, and that’s what I call your witness. That’s what I call your dharma, that’s what I call your intrinsic buddha. You have to awaken that buddha and your life will shower with blessings, benediction. Your life will become so radiant with good, with godliness, more than you can possibly conceive.

“The truth of your own deepest being is trying to show you where to go right now, and when this card appears it means you can trust the inner guidance you are being given. It speaks in whispers, and sometimes we can hesitate, not knowing if we have understood rightly. But the indications are clear: in following the inner guide you will feel more whole, more integrated, as if you are moving outwards from the very center of your being. If you go with it, this beam of light will carry you exactly where you need to go.”

My father, Bill Allison, at around age 85

 Highway Shaman Dairy

for September 7, 2020

My Osho Zen Tarot card for today is NO-THINGNESS. I know nothing, which leads to what I have to say today. I’m writing this while “in the gap.”

“Being ‘in the gap’ can be disorienting and even scary. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might be ahead. But it was just this of potential that existed before the universe was created. All you can do now is relax into the nothingness . . . fall into this silence between the words . . . watch their gap between the outgoing and incoming breath. And treasure each empty moment of the experience. Something sacred is about to be born.”

For the past week I’ve been experiencing a loss of my life force energy. I need to sleep more, nine or ten hours at night and take several naps during the day. They say the whole world is shifting energetically, and as an empath this may be what I’m feeling and responding to. I don’t know,

It feels as if I’m stuck in the middle of an existential crisis. I’ve spent my life behaving a certain way, following a rule book of undefined, possibly misguided, principals. These principals could be seen as “liberal,” the allowance to accept and explore all facets of human existence and possibilities, leading to the rejection of rules and laws and policing forces. Suddenly all of that has become a freight train smashing into a brick wall. For me and many others. The allowance has gotten out of control; not for me, but for the liberal left. To me all that allowance suddenly seems like “frat boy” mentality, which I have grown up from. I have become conservative. I reject random rioting and rebellion.

I used to consider being conservative a bad thing, a restriction of the ability to challenge life and rules; the surrender to a sort of acceptance mentality. Now I see it as the difference between allowing a child free range to have temper tantrums, behave or not, or giving a child a strong structural environment, with stability and tough love.

Last year I had sessions with a woman Psychotherapist. We talked about my father and how he raised me. He was a tough authoritarian ruler; “Do as I say or go to your room.” The following is how I judged my father; all as negatives:

1. He was a closeted damaged unloving man,
2. An Army Colonel, a college graduate in Engineering,
3. A Catholic,
4. A Republican,
5. A career worker,
6. A demanding husband for what turned out to be 65 years, and what I judged to be a very unloving person; a man without emotion. He never came close to telling me that he cared for me or loved me. My mother once told me, “He never tells me that he loves me either.”
7. He was concerned with accumulating and holding on to wealth.

It ended up that I lived a “contrary life” in opposition to my father. I was always open to discuss my shortcomings; the ways I was damaged, with anyone who would listen. I was a draft dodger; anti-military and anti-war; would never be a soldier. I quit the Catholic Church at eighteen, and explored all the religions of the world, including the occult. I quit college a semester before graduation. I would never be a Republican or vote for one. I was a devoted Liberal, but chose to be non-political. I never liked or voted for the Bushes, Clintons or Obamas. I never had a career, choosing various short term professions and mostly survived as an artist. I was a weak husband of seven years until 32, and single for the rest of my adult life. I have been very kind and loving to my sons and everyone I know, and can easily say “I love you.”  I have struggled my whole life with money, always living a frugal life.

Gwenn, the Psychotherapist, asked me to look at my “contrary to my father” behavior; why I reacted the way I did, and how maybe this behavior never served my best interests. Explore each one . . .

1. Did it serve my best interest with men, but more so with woman, to continually expose my shortcomings and mental conflicts; to be so blatantly transparent? The answer is “No.” It gave people an easy excuse to reject or abandon me.  Today: I’m way more selective with who I confide in.  Have I become – More or less like my father? More so.

2. Was it in my best interest to spend four years dodging the draft; to reject serving my country? I’m still not sure. I most likely would have been in a non-combative sector, as a clerk or aide, and learned skills that I could have used for the rest of my life. I could have gotten GI benefits to finish college and have a degree. Today: I would have joined the army and used my power to find the correct job for me. I support the US Military. Have I become – More or less like my father? More so.

3. Was it in my best interest to reject the Catholic Church? My mother, very devout, was hoping, prayed, that of her five sons, I would be her Priest. But I wanted to be a better father than my father, so I needed to go the marriage route. I don’t regret studying the religions of the world. I still find the hierarchy of the Catholic Church to be corrupt, but am now moving closer to Christianity and the love of God.  I could be a priest today. Today: If I were to find the right woman partner, I would be a Catholic again. Have I become – More or less like my father? More so.

4. Was it in my best interest to reject the Republican Party? I would say yes. My investigative research and studied wisdom led me to reject both parties. I think by the nature of what someone needs to do to obtain a seat in a political party, continued compromises need to be made and the level of corruption raises with the rank. I always saw the Bushes and Clinton as being extremely corrupt, as well as Barack Obama. They all sold their souls to the “powers” that controlled them. My father would have been a Trump supporter, mostly because he was a devout Republican. I am still not a Republican, but Trump isn’t really a Republican either, and definitely not as a career politician. He didn’t rise up the ranks with years of compromises and the selling of his soul. He’s not doing his job for the money, but for his love of country and the betterment of all the people. I am most impressed with his work to stop sex slave trafficking, pedophilia and the very dark Deep State underground, the Satanic elite. I’ve been waiting for years for some strong person to show up to oppose the evil New World Order. This is what Trump is doing. Today: I would vote Republican to keep Trump in office to take down the Deep State. I think he is being guided by a very wise council, with Qanon. More or less like my father? More so.

5. Was it in my best interest to reject having a career? I don’t think so from my current retirement POV. I had chances to have a good 20 year career with the US Postal Service, since I was tenured at 24. Later at 27 I was also tenured by the State of Alaska, and could have easily had a 20 year career; retiring with a pension before age 50. My Social Security payments are low because most of my life I didn’t pay taxes. Today: I would have found a good career job with the State of Alaska, for twenty years, did art in my spare time, and then retire to a second career as an artist. By this time I would have spent 25 years as an artist, writer. Have I become – More or less like my father? More so.

6. Would it have been in my best interest to either save my marriage or learn from my mistakes and found another wife? Yes. I miss not having a companion, someone to share my life with. I have been too judgmental of myself and others, too unwilling to compromise, and that has led to my loneliness and aloneness. Today: I would have found a career, the State of Alaska, and then, focused on finding a good wife, and being a good husband, devoted to her and our children. If I had done it correctly, I would have been like my other brothers, now married for 45 years. Have I become – More or less like my father? More so.

7. Would it have been in my best interest to have been concerned with my financial security? Absolutely. I think a main component of this is my rejecting a career. By going from one job to the next, I was never in a position to save money. My life was always a struggle to make ends meet. My stubborn refusal to be a good employee led to my demise. I always have regretted whatever decisions I made which led to my poverty, but somehow trapped myself into repetition. Today: I would have listened and invested wisely. I would have held a steady job for years, like with the State of Alaska. I’m now 73 years old and have an income of $10,000 a year, well below the poverty level, and by hereditary I am still an Allison, a man like my Father and wealthy brothers, a bit of an elitist, who wants to live in a nice home, drive a new car, have quality furnishings, be able to travel and stay in good hotels, to help my children also live good lives. I regret that I didn’t create this reality, and have needed to rationalize my life, accepting less than I deserve. Have I become – More or less like my father? More so.

And so it goes . . .

The Highway Shaman Wisdom 

for September 2, 2020

Up until the time that my old computer died a month ago, I had some sort of routine with these blogs. I had no problem figuring out what to write about every day. After three week off from blogging, something shifted. I realized that possibly my postings were more of a lecture than a diary. Although nobody was reading my 103 posts, I acted as if I had something to teach. Teach who? I guess I didn’t care. But now I’m thinking of my legacy, I suppose. If I were to die tomorrow, or a year from know, or ten years from now, what was this many really thinking? My father was quiet and reserved, kept thoughts to himself and never wrote one word of diary. Nobody really had a clue what the man thought about deep down inside. He never said the words, so he died without my knowing if he ever loved me or truly cared about me. To me that’s sad. My sons know that I love them – I say it to them and I write about it. Maybe I will do more of sharing my love in the days, weeks, months and years to come.

Before August 3rd, my first day without a computer, I would draw a card from each of my three tarot decks every morning. Beginning again a week ago I decided to only draw from one deck, the Osho Zen Tarot. So now I will see what It says, since I have no idea right now how it would relate to how it would pertain to my diary for today. Well, something did happen today which is diary worthy. My attorney had demanded $750,000 for my brain injury, which was certified by six doctors, and the opposing insurance company came back with not believing I had a brain injury at all, offering $20,000. It was a shock and I’ll have to surrender to what my attorney is willing to do next. My desire was to receive at least $200,000. My Osho card is TURNING IN. 

The Reading

4 of Water – TURNING IN 

Turning inwards is not a turning at all. Going inwards is. not a going at all. Turning inwards simply means that you have been running after this desire and that, and you have been running and running and you have been coming again and again to frustration. That each desire brings misery, that there is no fulfillment through desire. That you never reach anywhere, that contentment is impossible. Seeing this truth, that running after desires takes you nowhere, you stop. Not that you make any effort to stop. If you make any effort to stop it is again running, in a subtle way. You are still desiring – maybe now it is desirelessness that you desire. If you are making an effort to go in, you are still going out. Any effort can only take you out, outwards. All journeys are outward journeys, there is no inward journey. How can you journey inwards? You are already there, there is no point in going. When going stops, journeying disappears; when desiring is no more clouding your mind, you are in. This is called turning in. But it is not a turning at all, it is simply not going out.

“To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. It is what meditation is all about really – not chanting a mantra, or repeating an affirmation, but just watching, as if the mind belongs to somebody else. You are ready to take this distance now, and to watch the show without getting caught up in the drama. Indulge yourself in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever you can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in you.” 

Jazz face by Dakan

The Highway Shaman Wisdom 

for September 1, 2020

This is one of those days when I have nothing to say. I recently heard a line which caused me to self-reflect. “It’s not what you say to a person, it’s how you make them feel.” Throughout my life I had this thing going where I wanted to prove to my father, in the form of everyone, that I had something valuable to say. I think this was the motivation to being an investigative reporter; an inquisitive thinker. Maybe I wanted to come up with information which would make my listener “feel” something different, possible wake them up to new ideas and possibilities. But new ideas and possibilities requires their motivation or desire to change. I’ve found that this only works when someone were to approach me and say, “I really want to change. What can you tell me that which will turn on a light, and cause a revelation creating change?” But that very rarely happened. I would offer the information without being asked, and more often than not, unless speaking with someone who “already knew,” it would fall on deaf ears. 

I asked the Osho Zen Tarot, my Spirit Guides, to show me the card which would give me insight to this, and drew MORALITY, which interestingly is next to the card I drew yesterday, Fighting. Without looking up the meaning, I would say that all my “advice;” that is what I thought was valuable information to share, had to do with my “opinion” of what was right or wrong, good or bad, wise or crazy thinking. In other words all coming from the notion that my view of morality, or a wiser better way to live one’s life, was better thought out than the listener. I’m definitely not as epushy as I once was. Here is what Osho has to say. Maybe I did something right?

The Reading

Queen of Clouds – MORALITY –  Boddhidarma . . . far transcends moralists, puritans, so-called good people, do-gooders. He has touched the very rock-bottom of the problem. Unless awareness arises in you, all your morality is bogus, all your culture is simply a thin layer which can be destroyed by anybody. But once your morality has come out of your awareness, not out of a certain discipline, then it is a totally different matter. Then you will respond in every situation out of your awareness. And whatever you do will be good. Awareness cannot do anything that is bad. That is the ultimate beauty of awareness, that anything that comes out of it is simply beautiful, simply right, and without any effort and w2ithout any practice. So rather than cutting the leaves and the branches, cut the root. And to cut the root there is no other method than a single method; the method of being alert, of being aware, of being curious.